Seems like summer holiday isn’t so much a holiday for my family as it is a whirlwind. I need to learn to slow down. Hoping to resume my book-blogging soon. The
dumpster fire grad course finished on Wednesday and honestly, it’s been a while since I was so thankful for a group of strangers, i.e. my project group. This past summer has been full of being thankful for people coming over, what with pandemic restrictions relaxed, plenty of family time, and a few meetings with friends; but connecting online with others has still definitely had its benefits.
Yesterday though was a roller coaster. We headed out to explore Nose Creek Regional Park in Airdrie, tried a new bakery, Queen Latina (the owners are adorable and you should visit), and I even bought a pair of shoes #nojoke. My runners finally gave up their last breath in Lake Louise. When we came home, I tried to put the toddler to sleep and that’s when I received news that my friend was pregnant.
I was so happy. This particular friend is dear to me because we’ve only met a few months ago but we bonded quickly over the fact that we were both still waiting on our second child. She’s a dear sister in Christ and even in only knowing her a short while she’s been such an encouragement to me. So I was happy, I was elated… and then shortly after I was devastated. So, so upset. The toddler also didn’t sleep, and that’d didn’t help.
Everywhere I turned to this morning left me feeling alone. Bible reading plan with friends? A person I looked up to dropped out to do a plan of her own. Family? Jack took the toddler over to his mum’s. Things to look forward to today? Fellowship with another friend who’s expecting. I’ve prayed so hard for God to take away the desire for kids if it’s not within His will. Your will be done, right? But even as I type this, I can’t help but cry out “Why?” It’s an old refrain. I know answers. Maybe not the answer, maybe not answers that I like, but I have answers.
Still, as I read through the Bible today, Isaiah 30 reminded me,
This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,Isaiah 30:15. NIV.
and that there is no point in striving hard to rescue myself. So today I sat, and cried, and prayed. I couldn’t bring myself to read, or paint, or bake (all I’ve done today is roast veggies).
And then my mum messaged. “Check out this crafter’s sale for me!” A garage sale within walking distance of me. Not knowing what else to do with myself, I went out the door, despite the smoke. Sure enough, the garage sale was on. The homeowners very friendly people. I knelt down to start picking out stamps for my mum (she’s a big scrapbooker) and then I heard my name. Two buddies from the past week’s hikes had shown up (they’re big crafters, too)! Paying for our goodies, they gave me a ride back. And then they suggested we craft together.
Back home, I thought about how crazy God’s timing was. The garage sale ran the whole day — at the time I decided to pop in, I met a few others who I would not have recognized had we not gone on an unexpected hike a few days prior. Music rose around me as I wrote and I stopped, because this stuff only happens in films, but when I pressed my ear to the ground I realized my downstairs’ neighbours were blasting “Holy, Holy, Holy” so loud that it rose up through the carpet (I had no idea they were believers). Suddenly I realized that as much as my heart hurt, God was still there wrapping his arms around me, encouraging me through His people.
I went ahead with the rest of my day. What a full day it was. Stopped by to wish our friends’ daughter a happy birthday and ended up connecting with another crafter who had recently met my mum. She also suggested we craft together. Attended the family fellowship I was dreading and, not only did I not think about pregnancy until another friend asked a question halfway through our time together, it didn’t hurt when I thought about it. I can’t explain what changed, or why I was finally unaffected (and still feel okay right now!).
There are a lot of possible explanations for how we perceive the world around us. I can’t explain all of those ways, but I can share a story of how God has been good in my life. The reason I title this post “Perpetual Ketchup” is that, puns aside, as often as I feel left behind and worried about life, I realize that I really am just forever catching up to the good things that God has laid out before me. It’s true that this doesn’t mean I will get exactly what I want. But I trust that there’s a reason for the desires He allows to continue. So on we go.