Today a friend announced her pregnancy. This came after a wave of other friends’ pregnancies in June and July. I took the news as usual: happily conflicted. After all, sometimes I still feel as though I should be in the same boat, expecting another on the way. I was in the same boat, I mean. It’s not as though I wanted to jump off.
Today was also the day that a few students from our time in China came to visit us. What an honour. We loved these girls so much and they are truly growing up. What a joy to hear about their current lives.
When I went home, I was tired. More than that, I wanted to cry. I did. But what I’ve come to realize is that I’m just starting to move past the need to cry for long periods of time. I’ve reached a balance where I cry and then carry on, because for the most part I’ve sorted through the thoughts that plagued me month after month.
So I cried, and then I got up and moved. I practiced the saju jirugi and the saju makgi. (I’m trying something new!) Physical activity has done wonders for my brain state, and all the new experiences I’ve had so far (even the time in urgent care!) have always sparked a great joy alongside everything else that is happening. And this time the joy of movement cleared everything else away from my brain. Praise God for the body’s ability to shift away stress.
I practiced, I sweated, I showered. And then I was ready to keep going.