Lately my head’s been abuzz.

Originally I thought May/June would be taken up by taking care of a friend’s baby, but they’ve since made the decision to put their child into daycare instead. It was a good time of learning for all, although I suppose I should just speak for myself. I’ve realized that I do actually have a better sense of boundaries, and I value my time with the toddler even moreso than before. In some ways I’m quite happy and relieved to not have another little one right now. Even though I am still waiting for another, there’s a lot less sadness these days around not expecting another one just yet, and a lot more joy in knowing that there’s no hurry anywhere.

Instead, as things are looking right now, I’ll be working on writing curriculum in my off-hours (I mean, when everyone’s asleep as per usual). I’m excited and nervous. There’s something about having been away from the classroom for 2+ years that makes me wonder if I can really call myself a teacher anymore. I know, time away from public school teaching doesn’t invalidate my previous experiences (or my current attaining of knowledge). Still, these are thoughts I struggle with regularly.

What contributes more to the disconnect between my identity as a mother and as a teacher is that all my full-time teaching was done in other countries, away from home. Here, I suppose my old friends know me mostly in my capacity as a stay-at-home-mum. Not having many opportunities (or interested listeners, really) to share about my overseas experience has certainly contributed to the difficulties of feeling like I’m fitting back home. I try to make up for it by making a habit of asking people to share about their lives, but it would be nice to have someone ask me about my experiences. Maybe it’s time to start writing about my past travels here, too. Not on a Wednesday.

And finally, I’m hoping to finish the bulk of my curriculum writing work by July, because I’ll be returning to school to finish my M.Ed.! Clearly I like education and talking about it. Even if I’m not teaching now, and don’t plan to be back in the public classroom for a while (re: homeschooling), I do entertain dreams of a PhD, if only because home-based education is such an underexamined area in scholarly articles. I don’t know if I have it in me to pursue a PhD (what if I get caught up writing in scholarlese as a habit) but the prospect… well, buddy, that would be great!

I guess this is all to say that I finally feel like I’m learning to get used to a different pace of life.

In other news, I introduced these a little while ago (when she was around 18 months?) and it’s only now that she’s been enjoying her puzzles over, and over, and over again. I’m not the only one who takes time to grow up to new tasks, haha.


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